Don’t get too attached to people. What I mean by this is, I want you to be emotionally strong, sensitive and receptive to the people and not become psychologically deranged or a moral wreck, when you are needed the most.
Friends are like waves, moving coequally in an ocean. Making big leaps of crests and troughs, conquering the mightiest of obstacles in their way. But, they’ll destroy each other, the moment they collide. Hence, it brings home the point.
What are friends for anyway?. In the ideal world, a good friendship will require all those involved, to be honest, supportive and respectful.
But sometimes that is not always the case
We all have those friends who are there one minute then go ghost the next (‘wanaleft’). They only come around when it is convenient for them or when in need.
Following through with the elements that make one a good friend is easier said than done. To determine whether you’re a bad friend or have a fake friend, if any of these signs apply to you then you need to make cuts or step up your game
- It’s all about you.If everything revolves around you, it may be time for some self-reflection.
If your conversations with friends always revolve around you, things in your relationship are little lopsided. Make sure that while you’re complaining about your boss or your annoying next door neighbor, you’re taking time to listen to what they have to say as well.
- They don’t offer anything helpful and instead make you feel worse.
They might make comments that seem helpful but really, they’re insulting and make you feel like crap. If you’re having a rough time at work they might say something like, “Try making more of an effort and see if that helps,” as if you already weren’t working hard.
- You never show up
If you’re never there when your friends need you soon you will have no friends. No matter how boring or many baby showers, weddings or drink outs your friends have, it is important to attend and show your support. This is part of the job. Keep that habit longer and they will stop inviting you to anything.
- They are aggressively competitive
It’s good to be a little competitive now and again, but like most things – you can have too much of a good thing. A friendship based on competitive behaviour is NEVER healthy or a true friendship.
- Always Broke
In all honesty, no one wants to be friends with a mooch. If you’re those friends who always disappear when the bill comes or act clueless, they will soon get tired of your antics and they will take it as a sign you are using them.
- You’re offline’
In this day and age of social media and smartphones, there’s nothing worse than trying to have a conversation with someone who is bonded to their phones replying messages or taking selfies. If you can’t look up for five minutes then don’t bother showing up. Your friends deserve your full undivided attention. Value their time and presence.
- No trust
Trust can make or break a friendship. Your friends should be comfortable enough to share with you confidential information that won’t become subject of conversation outside those who are in the know. A good friend should take your secret to the grave no matter how juicy it is.
- You feel bad about yourself when you’ve spent time with them
Sometimes it’s difficult to analyse behaviour, but your emotions never lie. Friends should make you feel good, empowered and uplifted. If you leave them feeling like crap then you should probably re-evaluate the benefit you’re getting from the friendship. Some people, unfortunately, just like to bring others down.
This is malicious and absolutely nothing a true friend would ever do.
“Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss events;
Small minds discuss people.”
– Elanor Roosevelt
- They exclude you from things with mutual friends
This is outright biatchy and indicative of some messed up psychology. If it’s on purpose and repetitive, despite you bringing it up then we’d suggest you created some distance. Sometimes it can happen accidentally without motive so we’d suggest trying to talk it out first.
The list is endless, choose your friends wisely, some people are inherently toxic, yet influential among the elites. They are good as an acquaintance and bad as a friend. So be nice, till they are. They lose interest in you and leave your company? Let them. They might come back asking for some favour from you? Let them. Exercise caution and manoeuvre them likewise. Understand this,
“People Rarely Change, And So Should You.”
And rembember true friends do exist find them